Month: February 2016

May 2011 (Originally published in The Cooperstown Crier)

I’m back from India!  And the most important of the ten things I learned there was to live on the edge.  As clichéd as it sounds, live life to the fullest.  Take the crazy path.  It definitely will be worth it in the end.  I chose to go to India, instead of France or Germany or Denmark.  I set off for the other side of the world knowing that what was in store for me would not be easy.  I thought I was ready for it.

    So when I stepped off the plane into the heat and the smells and the dirt and I realized I was, in fact, not ready for it, it was too late.  The reckless, flirting-with-death driving, the destitution everywhere, the ancient and modern thrown in together, all were part of a new world that I had to find the courage to live in.  It was not easy at first.  I was slow to accept, slow to change, slow to adapt.  Like any other rational person raised in one of the richest nations in the world, it was hard for me, both physically and psychologically, to leave the smooth, clean streets, the sidewalks,  the fast internet, the privacy, and simply drop into the world of piles of dust, trash, and cow patties, ineffective communication, and 1.5 billion people.  

    The people.  All those strangers whose principal aim in life it seemed was to try to get me to gain weight are now my family.  The people that I met and talked to and hated and loved and knew as well as I knew my family back home made India come alive.  They are what I remember, when I think of that part of the world.  There were so many people.  I saw so many that I pitied, but could do nothing for, because of their untouchable status.  I met a lot of people whom I couldn’t respect because of their actions, or lack of action, but had to pretend to respect anyway.  And I came to know a very few people who truly touched my heart.  They were my most caring host parents, and my best friends, and they were the reason I survived in such a hostile environment.  They gave me the perspective necessary to live in a world so much at odds with itself, and stay sane.  

    I will never regret taking my mom’s advice, and putting India as my first choice on my Rotary application.  I will never regret going there and experiencing the insufferable Indian Summer, or the Monsoons, or the culture shock, or the weight gain.  If I have any regrets at all, they will be only that I didn’t do more to immerse myself there, that I didn’t learn as much as I could have, or get a little more out into the exotic vastness of it all.  

    I chose India, I went, and I lived, as I have never lived before.  My experiences gave me wisdom, and a sense of what exquisite joy it is to live in this world.  I found some hard, raw truths in India, but I realized that without the awareness, and occasionally pain, that comes with the truth, life rarely has meaning.  I came home with a sense of what it is to be part of the complex community which is the human race.  There is a lot more to be learned in the world, and more than ever, I am ready to step outside my doorstep, and embrace it with open arms.

March 2011 (Originally published in The Cooperstown Crier)

    Almost eight months into my Rotary Exchange to India, I have been gifted with a plethora of life-changing experiences which have taught me a great deal about the world, it’s people, and most importantly, myself.  So far I have learned to make decisions carefully, know when to refuse and when to accept, how to live in a different culture, that I should never take anything for granted, that everything in my life happens for a reason, and that I must always allow people to make their mark on me, for better or for worse.

    Which brings me to the eighth thing I learned in India; face your problems head on and with a clear mind.  Things may seem bad, but if you just calm yourself down long enough to understand your situation, you will soon find a solution for every problem, or a way to live with it.  Two weeks ago my Rotary Counselor sent a text to tell me that I had to switch families, and to do so as soon as possible. The family designated for my move was the one I had spent 6.5 months with previously.  I was less than excited to leave my current host family, in which I had been very happy, but I was almost devastated when faced with the prospect of returning to that house where I had spent so many idle hours in front of the TV or computer.  I knew that if I returned there I would fall back into the void where the outside world seems to cease to exist for long stretches of time, and all there is to do is sleep, or think, or sweat through the heat.  I cringed at the thought of being back there for another 2 long months.  The next day, I told my counselor that, and as a result, my destination was switched to the house where Mary, another American girl lived.  Even in my rather senseless, self-pitying state, I understood that if I reverted to living in close quarters with her again, the rest of my time would be comprised of a whole lot of complaining and bad moods, the result of two exchange students living together.  However, in due time, my counselor found a new family that was ready to host me.  I had become friends with their son and I knew they were a good family, and I was very excited to go there.  I found that with new, happy prospects ahead, I could think clearly and more easily reconcile myself to the cons of the new arrangement.

    And so I moved.  The house is rather old, awkwardly arranged, and complete with the almost typical Gujarati family.  The man goes to work, the woman stays home, doing nothing more than cooking, sleeping, and watching TV all day.  The food is oily and unhealthy.  But the biggest worry for me, as a teenager of the 21st century, was the lack of internet.  In this day and age, being without internet is difficult, especially if constant internet-based communication is a must.  The first night I didn’t know what to do.  In the middle of trying to choose a college, finding a summer job, and planning my mom’s trip to India, I was stranded without that so necessary technology I had come to take for granted.  But the next day, I found some ways around it, including the occasional use of the USB modem my new family has at their office, and visits to my friends’ houses who have internet.  

    I took my situation and, by facing my problem, found a way to live with it.  And I know I will get by.  I have proven that I have the ability to adapt, a skill infinitely useful in a place like India.

February 2011 (Originally published in The Cooperstown Crier)

    I have previously shared five of my most important life lessons learned in India.  However, finding myself with just two months left in this amazing country, I will write about two life lessons this month.  So far I have learned to make decisions carefully, know when to refuse and when to accept, how to live in a different culture, and that I should never take anything for granted.

    The sixth thing I learned in India is that everything in your life happens for a reason.  This is a theory that many people choose to refute, but I have come to believe it.  There have been a lot of weird, difficult, and sometimes awkward experiences here.  When one occurs, I try to remember to find the good in it.  I have realized that many things will happen to me in my life that I won’t necessarily see as good things.  But I’ve also realized that if I choose to come away from these experiences having found the way to do the right thing and stay positive, I have done what’s best for me.  Things do happen for a reason, and I think that reason is to help me make better choices and learn more, so that when I’m faced with something more important than trivial teenage drama, I’ll know how to handle it.  I know that on the surface, this lesson doesn’t really relate to Indian lifestyle or language.  However, for me, it’s very relevant.  For someone from another culture, India is a place where I am constantly tested, put through a great deal of stress and difficulty.  Culture shock presents me with new challenges every day, even seven months into my exchange.  But the true value of Rotary for me is that I see these challenges as chances to become someone who is more genuine, more motivated, and more confident.  These are the reasons that the “thing” called Rotary Exchange happened to me. 

    The seventh lesson I learned is that you should never underestimate the mark anyone can make on you.  Don’t disregard someone just because you have no initial interest in them or they have done something to offend you.  Every person who enters your life is, like I mentioned above, there for a reason, and you should give each of them a chance to teach you something, or change you, whether they do so by being your best friend, your worst enemy, or anything in between.  I know that each person I have had a relationship with here, whether it be my host parents, Indian friends, or Rotary friends, has made an impact on me.  They have all taught me something and helped me grow.  There have been bad experiences, when someone is unnecessarily immature and causes unwelcome drama, and amazing ones, when someone I don’t really consider my friend amazes me with what they say or do for me.  Hence, the most important part of my Rotary Exchange has been the people I’ve met.  I think that the people around us are the reason we do what we do, feel what we feel.  They are the main reason we can grow and change.  So embrace every relationship you have as at least, if nothing more, an important experience in your life.  Then you miss out on none of the wisdom and maturity you have the potential to attain.

January 2011 (Originally published in The Cooperstown Crier)

    After sixth months on Rotary Exchange in India I have learned many life lessons, some of which I feel important enough to share with you every month.  The first three things I learned in India were to look both ways before crossing the street, how to say no, and conversely, how to say yes. The fourth thing was that the aspects of another culture might suit you better than your own.

    However, among the most important of the lessons I have learned is to never take anything for granted.  This lesson is probably learned by most people who are placed in a culture other than their own, but I feel that it is exaggerated because I am an American in India.  Someone from the birthplace of instant gratification in a land where nothing is prepackaged.  There are no cell phone plans and no bottles of milk in the store.  There are no cake mixes and you can’t use eggs for baking.  There is no toilet paper, and all the clothes are washed by hand.  This makes everything much more of a hassle, less sanitary, and much more work for the hired help.  So instead of a washer and dryer, dishwasher and vacuum cleaner, you have some people.  It is not as nice as it sounds.  Doing no work because you are paying someone else to do it every day does get boring after awhile.

    But finding myself in this vastly different society has taught me that living without the things we call the basic necessities is very possible and in some ways enjoyable.

I know that I will never take any aspect of the easy American way of life for granted.  I know now how the other half of the world lives, and know that in their minds it is the best way of life. I appreciate more than ever the amazing history America has had and I understand that we have extremely stable foundations already laid to continue our leaps and bounds of advancement.  So if anything, being in India has made me realize just how proud I am of America.  It has opened my eyes to my own close-mindedness and given me the ability to focus on the important things in my life, even when the surroundings are less than comfortable.  I feel as if I am a different person, because now I have fully realized that it doesn’t matter who you are or how much money you have, it just matters what you do with your time.  And Rotary has shown me that a little productivity can really change the world, one life at a time.

December 2010 (Originally published in The Cooperstown Crier)

    I am about to begin my sixth month on Rotary Exchange in India and consequently am writing my fourth column.  Each one consists of a life lesson I have learned in India.  The first three things I learned in India were to look both ways before crossing the street, how to say no, and conversely, how to say yes.  

    The newest thing I have learned in India is that in some ways another culture might suit you better than your own.  I am on a cultural exchange, so learning a culture and becoming integrated into it is hardly a surprising result.  However, finding that I am already good at being Indian in many ways is a shocker.  Take Indian dress, for example.  I love wearing the roomy, flowy Punjabi pants and long Kurtis.  I feel comforted and safe when I throw a Dupatta over my shoulders.  My friends and host family tell me I look Indian and should be dyeing my hair black any day now.  Maybe the reason I love these clothes is that they are comfortable and easy, and whether or not they are in vogue in the fashion world, they make me feel beautiful and natural.  They are certainly a far cry from the tight jeans and tank tops the Western world finds attractive.  

    Another example of this is Indian music.  I performed a very old Hindi song for an anniversary party a few weeks ago and during my practicing found that I loved the little melodies and rhythms of the music, how the words flow and change unexpectedly, and although I love Western music with a passion, could fully appreciate the beauty this music had to offer.  

    I have found that the biggest differences in culture can lead to the most understanding and connection in surprising ways.  I love my culture.  I love the bad and the good parts about it.  But I also love so many parts of my new culture that I often wonder which I would do better in for the rest of my life.  It is a curious thought, and never ceases to entertain.  

November 2010 (Originally published in The Cooperstown Crier)

    I am entering my fifth month out of ten on Rotary Exchange in India, and I am having the most wonderful experience.  I have learned many things, but there are a few life lessons which rise above the the rest.  This month is dedicated to the third.  The first thing I learned in India is to look both ways before crossing the street.  The second thing is how to say no.

    The third thing I learned in India is how to say yes.  I am fully aware that last month I said that it was quite advisable to say no in many situations, but one simply cannot go through life refusing everything offered to them.  In fact, it is a very vital skill to know when to say yes.

    To begin with, Indians love you when you accept everything they offer.  This includes food, invitations to stay in their home, gifts, and their general hospitality.  It is the responsibility of the exchange student to make all possible efforts to be accepted into the culture and society in which they find themselves, and the best way to accomplish this is to please the adults.  Therefore, when I visit someone’s home, even if I have eaten, I accept the food they offer.  When I am invited to visit for a few days, I smile and nod and they are reassured that they are good hosts.  I rarely do stay with anyone, but when I do I find that I am forced to take the best of everything.  They are offended when I try to refuse.  

    This lesson also has a very practical, albeit different, application in the general world, Rotary Exchange included.  It is necessary, for one’s own sake, to accept all opportunities when they are presented.  I know that had I said no to just a few more opportunities during my time in India so far, I would have missed out on the wealth of knowledge and excitement and information which had put itself in my path.  By saying yes and living life to the fullest, I have been experiencing happiness and a greater sense of self-realization every day.  I say yes and I am taken for the most fantastic ride through the ancient and the modern and the conflict and the peace.  When I say yes, I rise above petty complaints and give my mind and body the chance to realize their full potential.  

    I am good at saying yes now.  Yes means acceptance and change.  It means opportunity and a bright future.  It means contentment.  I can truly say that yes is the most valuable word in my vocabulary.

October 2010 (Originally published in The Cooperstown Crier)

    If you read last month’s installment of this exciting adventure you will know that I am in India on Rotary Exchange.

This is a 10-month exchange, lasting from July until April or May. I live with an Indian family, attend school and immerse myself fully in a strange culture. This column is about the many experiences I am having and things I am learning here.

The first thing I learned in India is to look both ways before crossing the street.

The second thing I learned in India is how to say no. You may think you have mastered the art of polite refusal in delicate social situations, but until you have experienced Indian hospitality you are an amateur.

When you visit a house, you are first served water, already poured into glasses and presented on a tray. Soft drinks soon follow, and if you stay long enough, food. You see, one of the main goals in life for the typical Indian person is to keep his or her guests as comfortable as possible at all times. This includes forcing them to consume everything set before them.

The guest who eats the most is the most appreciated. You may see how this could be problematic for a naive, innocent exchange student hoping to avoid significant weight gain during the year. I must constantly toe the line between polite refusal and rude rejection. Sometimes it’s difficult to tell which is which.

The differences in culture are very great. The seemingly harmless refusal of a pinch of some white sugary substance could turn out quite badly when you find that it is holy and must be accepted. They also talk about weight all the time, which is acceptable in conversation. They encourage me to eat, saying that I must gain weight or my parents will think they weren’t good hosts.

This is a perfect example of how cultures differ, because for me it is exactly the opposite.

I’ll remember them more favorably should I finish the year weighing less.

 However, there are other situations where the choice between yes and no is more serious. Here, the fact that we are fair skinned makes us very beautiful, and this is made very obvious by the behavior of men and women alike.

So when Mary and Justine (American and French, respectively) and I walk down the street we are the subject of a great deal of staring and the occasional Hi.  The staring is easy to deal with.

The actual spoken greetings are another story.

We have grown up in a culture where it is acceptable to exchange basic greetings between strangers passing on the street. So we found it natural here to respond in kind when addressed in this routine way. It took us a long time and a good deal of advice to understand that because of our obvious western origins, we are perceived differently. If we respond it means quite a bit more than we intend. It’s better just to avoid the miscommunication.

And then there are the Indian beggars. These beggars do not sit patiently on the street with their cup and sign, but instead harass you from the minute you emerge from a building until your car pulls away. It is pitiful.

They are dirty, emaciated, ugly, sometimes carrying small, half-clothed children to add to the effect. These women and children ask so persistently. You are absolutely revolted by their proximity to you, but at the same time, you want desperately to give them the few dollars it would take to get them a good meal or fresh water. But so many times you must say no.  I’m sorry.  I don’t have change.  Ignore them.

This is when my thoughts conflict the most. I know I can never fix the problem by giving little donations, but I also feel so sad about their condition that I want to do something.

Yes or no. This is a problem that will always exist for so many situations in life. The key is to learn when each one is appropriate. I am doing that. I must do it to survive here. Think. Yes or no. Just think.

September 2010 (Originally published in The Cooperstown Crier)

    India. A world apart.  A place where the streets are always dirty, the air is usually humid and polluted, and there are hundreds of people everywhere you are.  A place where the temples are stunning, the food is to die for, and the clothing is some of the most beautiful in the world.  A place where I have chosen to spend ten months on a cultural exchange.  

    I am halfway across the world with IYE (International Youth Exchange), a program of Rotary International.  It is the opportunity of a lifetime.  I get to spend almost a year living with three normal Indian families while acting as an ambassador for my country, learn a new culture and languages (Gujarati and Hindi), and have a fabulous time.  

    So on July 16, I boarded the plane that would take me to my new home.  I have been living in Bharuch, Gujarat for two months, and already my life has changed.  I have learned new things, gained new perspectives, met more family members than I will ever remember, and begun to find in myself the motivation to work towards my own goals.  It does not come without sacrifice.  I have been very sick.  I throw up one day, my entire body aches another.  Then they give me medicine and I force a smile and life goes on.  But the lessons I have learned and will learn are important to share.  So month by month, I will relate the stories and morals of my fabulous experience in India.  Enjoy!

    The first thing I learned in India is to look both ways before I cross the street.  You never know how many motorcycles, scooters, rickshaws, cars and cows are just waiting to run you over.  It’s not like they want to kill you, but the streets in India are so crowded and generally disorganized that it is almost impossible to predict even the next few seconds.  One minute you are riding comfortably in the car, and the next you find yourself practically slammed against the seat in front (no seatbelts) because someone on a motorcycle has decided to switch lanes without so much as a backward glance.  It is somewhat exhilarating and very dangerous.  

    I have found that this rule applies to life as well.  Life is generally exhilarating and at many times dangerous, but this does not mean that you shouldn’t live it.  It only means that you have to assess all the information before you make a decision.  India is teaching me to look both ways, and weigh both options so that I can make the right decision.  Whether it is between foods or evening pastimes, everything is a choice, especially for an exchange student.  And when it comes to crossing the street, I am learning to choose the path which will give me opportunity, take me deeper into the culture, into the religion, and into the people.  It is always the right choice to visit the temple, to go to school, to try a few Gujarati words, to include your family, to work hard.  It is always the right choice to just try.  So look both ways.  The path will be clear.

    I am in a position where I must learn everything about India and teach as much as I can about America to my hosts in less than a year.  So I am always asking questions and listening and talking and talking and talking.  They love to hear me talk.  They don’t understand my habits and customs because in some cases they are very different, but they make an effort to learn.  Everyone is happiest when: 1) I greet them with the words “Jay Shri Krishna,” 2) I try out my new vocabulary from Hindi class during dinner, 3) I am in a good mood, 4) I try all the food on the table, 5) I show promise in the kitchen, and 6) I wear a traditional Indian garment in front of the extended family.  So a whole lot of happiness rests on my shoulders, and I try to deliver.  

    Nevertheless, it is very difficult.  There are many differences in daily life.  The climate is very different.  It is generally above 33 degrees Celsius outside and 30 inside.  During monsoon season there is unbearable humidity and lots of mud.  Air conditioners are always turned on at night, and there are ceiling fans in every room.  And then there is the treatment towards women and youth.  Married women, especially in a conservative state such as Gujarat, are generally not allowed to wear western clothing or show their legs.  They have limited freedom, and in many households are not allowed to hold jobs.  Teenagers are not allowed to date, and if a girl is seen alone with a boy by someone she knows, her parents are notified.  The main accepted pastime for a school student is to constantly study, and many teenagers are not allowed any freedom.  This is one of the most difficult changes because eighteen year-olds are no longer minors in the United States, yet in India are under constant supervision.

    But if these differences are not what I came to learn, then I don’t know what are.  I am having difficulty and working through it.  I am learning to please people I don’t know in a language I’m just learning.  I am starting to oil my hair so it doesn’t dry out in the hot Indian sun and make friends with everyone I meet.  I am wearing kurtis and chaniya cholis and sarees and eating more roti than I ever knew existed and falling in love with a country and a people.  This is what comes from being not a tourist, but a resident.  Acceptance.  Change.  Joy.  The pieces of my new home.