Category: Words

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If you have ever seen paradise, you would recognize it here.

Paradise

The light is strong and imperative.

It’s unforgiving in its hotness, but somehow it unfurls itself across your cheekbones and presses into the little creases at your elbows and knees.

And you begin to glow internally. The sun illuminates you from the inside.

Cyprus trees surely exist in all the landscapes of paradise. The edges of the sea glisten against the rocks, bright turquoise and translucent navy. Fish and felines drift about in search of gullible humans, and the rain clouds never quite seem to make it over that distant mountain range.

Paradise is the marina of a sleepy fishing village, surrounded by crisp fields of crops and stone churches, and the hardened, varying faces of its inhabitants. 

There is paradise in knowing yourself and your own desires more fully.

This place, this light, these stones and people, have brought me a little closer to me. 

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The Ride

The air is soothing, even up a large hill I didn’t have to take to get home.  It feels cool blowing by, and the only thing to dampen the rush is the hint of knee pain I can’t seem to shake mentally.  I try to figure out if my knee actually hurts.  But this time the pain is in another place.  I’m imagining things.  And then I gain the top of the hill, close to very bottom of my gearset, and pause while another asshole races by in his frustration to get around me and my slow ascent.  I shouldn’t have drunk that beer at the office earlier.

But then the downhill begins, and I remember that this is what I worked for! The wind starts rushing by and it feels wonderful on my skin, and I pedal harder and swerve around the potholes and race the car ahead of me to each stop light.  Then there is the flat push into Davis, and gliding up to the intersection I feel the warmth of the air envelop my sudden stillness.  I am smiling now, laughing with my harder breaths as I merge into the life the square, energetic even as late as it is.  

I turn the wrong way down my one way street, because it’s never worth it to go around the block.  I’m tired.  But suddenly I remember to check on my car, and it’s a good excuse to keep riding, to put a few more heartbeats between myself and the flatness of being inside again. 

And then back on my street, heading the right way this time, I pedal furiously, picking up speed until I hear a roar of wind in my ears and in my imagination I am a muscle car in a drag race on a blackened city street, a plane accelerating down the runway, a jungle cat bounding forward through the brush, flanks rippling with force;

and I am simultaneously a child in Chautauqua again, on that yellow and black Trek bike I loved to ride without handlebars because I thought I was so cool, flying along streets without cars in the velvety summer nights, with strains of the symphony emanating from the amphitheater and the glistening of the lake at the bottom of the hill, with softly murmuring voices of people along paths yet to be discovered, with all the hope and carelessness of the very young.  In this remembered world I am sure of myself and of my purpose, with my only desire to live out the boundless joy I am feeling.  

I scoop a large serving of ice cream into a cone, really pack it in there to maximize the volume available, and plug in the string lights. Out on the back porch with the stars in the sky and the neighbors chatting gaily past the wall, in the little backyard oasis I have been creating for myself, I remember all the times today when I was impatient, so sarcastic, not tolerant enough towards my coworkers, and the other ways in which I acted childishly.  I did not live up to the expectations I set for myself.  This week and in recent weeks past I have been ill deserving of the respect of those I respect most.  I take this quiet moment to realize all of it; let it crash over me at once.

But.

I remember the simple happiness I have just created for myself during the ride, and I know that tomorrow I can try again, at pretty much all of it.

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Solitary Jaunts

I never understood as a child the merit of the endurance activity. I hated being cold and wondering when the trail would end. 

Even now the smooth, cold downhills, the gliding kick of the wooded maze and the hard push up hill feel just as difficult and lengthy as they did when I was younger.

I was reminded this week that very little is important if I’m not happy with my own path.

Pole after pole, breath after breath, the struggle and the reward of accomplishment remind me of my ability to choose for myself.

I am clear-headed in the quiet of my solitude, moving along the trail at my own pace.

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HOW I PASSED MY ARE 5.0 EXAMS ON THE FIRST TRY

If you’ve been following my intermittent updates on Instagram, you’ll know that I’ve just passed all 6 exams of the new ARE 5.0 version. Several of you have reached out in that time to ask for some advice: which exam to take first, what study materials I use, or any other advice at all, so I thought I’d write a blog post or two on the subject in the hope that it can help at least one of you achieve the same goal!

First off, studying for these tests feels similar to how Arch School felt. You’re paying someone (NCARB) to work on a bunch of material that you also paid for, and suffering a little or a lot, to prove to the “Authority Having Jurisdiction” that you’re worth passing through the system. FUN.

So let’s break it down into less daunting chunks, shall we?  Please remember while reading this that no two people learn in exactly the same way, and that these are the methods I intuitively devised for MY OWN success.  Hopefully my tactics can help you narrow down what yours are!

study materials!

I primarily used the ARE 5 Review Manual, Practice Problems and Practice Tests published PPI, and written by David Ballast and Steven O’Hara. You could hurt someone with the massive Review Manual, but it contains everything you need to know…for the most part. Even managing to get through the entire guide before an exam, I was unprepared for several of the topics being tested. With a bit of strategy and informed guessing, you can still make it through the iffy parts.

For my first few tests, I also purchased the Kaplan study guides, now published by Brightwood Education. My experience is that these guides present a reduced amount of information in a much longer format. When preparing for the Practice Management test, I made it to the end of the Brightwood guide, only to find I couldn’t answer many of the practice problems correctly. I spent my last three days speed reading Ballast and answering practice questions. I estimate that I learned 50% more new information during those last few days than I had during the previous month of studying the Brightwood book.

A good thing to remember is that the exam is directly testing you on the standard documents of architectural practice. These are the IBC, IRC, amendments to both codes such as the Energy Code, and the AIA contracts, to name a few. If you want to more fully understand a concept in the study material you find confusing, find where that same topic is referenced in the code or the contracts, online or in your office’s code books. Googling also helps!

There are other study materials out there, like ArchiFlash flash cards, video-based format study guides, and summarized notes created by private individuals.  Platforms like StudyBlue allow people to create their own flash cards, and you can either create your own or pay to use pre-made cards from other users.  (These are created by ARE candidates like yourself, so remember that information may be misrepresented.)

BASIC STRATEGIES THAT WORKED FOR ME:

Take notes 

There is a large amount of reading to get through! By writing down what I’ve just read, I ensure that I’ve processed the information, and the act of writing helps to keep me focused when there are distractions around.

Contrastingly, a colleague who has also passed his tests on the first try only reads, and never writes anything down at all. It works for him.  Whatever you do, find a way to keep your mind on the subject matter while reading.

Study during lunch 

Say your test is in a month. You start studying at the beginning of that month, and you’re moving through the book and learning, but then something comes along to distract you. It could be an important work project, or something that needs to be dealt with at home. Suddenly a week slips by and you haven’t opened the book once. Now there are two weeks until your test and 200 pages of study material to read and remember! Gulp. 

Try to avoid this phenomenon! Study more frequently. Even 30 minutes of focused reading can keep your mind processing the topic at hand. It’s easier to get the studying in when I open the book for shorter spans in the morning, during the day, and at night.

Set magnitude goals and stick to them. 

Write yourself little sticky notes of encouragement and place them at the end of each section in the book. Don’t let yourself get lunch, check Instagram or text someone until you make it to the next sticky note.

Determine a goal of how far you need to get in a given amount of time. I used (# of sections remaining) / (T-x) where T is the day of the test and x is represented in days. While writing this (pre-PDD exam) I have 14 remaining sections / 10 remaining days, so I should be averaging 2 sections per day if I want to have some time for practice problems at the end. This also allows time for slacking off earlier in the schedule. I find it’s realistic to make it through 2 Ballast chapters a day, taking notes.

Something I started doing to remember to keep moving is set a timer or stopwatch and go for an average of 5 minutes per page. Of course some pages have more than 5 minutes’ worth of information, especially if the topic is unfamiliar to you, but it’s helpful to keep up the pace when you’re 4 hours in and really want to finish one last chapter.

do the practice questions!

You will get a feel for the variety of topics presented in each test by doing the practice questions and exams. When checking your answers, read the explanations given with each question and make sure you understand exactly why the answer is what it is. Google everything you don’t understand. Sometimes several multiple choice answers are correct, but they’re looking for the answer that is MOST correct. It’s very annoying, but if you’ve practiced choosing the BEST answer, you’re already thinking like the test.

I always learned a lot of new things when doing practice questions, so make sure to give yourself a minimum of three days for this part!  Prioritize sleep for at least two nights preceding your test, and especially try to take it easy the night before.

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!

GIVE YOUR NOGGIN A REST.  

For someone my age, this test is based on memory, reasoning, and logic, with bonus points for experience. While studying and in the testing center, you will have to think harder and for longer durations than you’re used to. Mental exhaustion is real. It’s draining and disheartening.  

One way to combat this feeling is by allowing your mind to stop for a minute and instead induce some physical tiredness. Having a tennis match already scheduled on a Saturday helped force me to compartmentalize the studying into a smaller portion of the day and take a break!  If you’re able, taking lunch off to go for a run or biking to and from work can provide your body with just enough of a challenge that it will take over from your conscious mind. Your brain can rest and recharge during this time, and the blood will start flowing again. More oxygen to the brain = better remembering power!

Take a day off FROM STUDYING! 

I’ve talked above about studying consistently throughout the day, but it doesn’t always apply! While studying for this last test, I pushed so hard that by a week out, I was drained of all energy. I was studying in the morning before work, on the train, during lunch, and after work until bedtime. After a week of this, I was so mentally drained that I snapped at work. I started taking it out on the people closest to me, who were actually being incredibly supportive. I wasn’t able to work or study efficiently anymore. This is not the goal.

While passing the ARE may be important to you as part of your career, it’s not THAT important that you should let it mess with your life! So I took all of Friday off. No studying, just some Netflix after work, a few glasses of wine, and bedtime. By Saturday morning, I had gotten my motivation back, and was able to focus for two productive days, which I’m convinced made all the difference in my passing score.  

Most importantly, don’t study to pass. Study to learn! 

Remember that while your immediate goal is to pass your exams and achieve licensure, the information you’re learning can only improve your understanding of the forces at work in any project you’re involved in.  This will make it possible for you to participate more fully in projects, and be an effective and invaluable member of your team.

Good luck! I’m interested in your progress and I’d love to hear how you’re all doing. Let me know if there are other important study methods that worked for you!

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Back to Bollywood; on Dance, Color and Joy

I’ve started dancing again, with the recently-emerged Boston Bollywood performance company.  I take two classes, and twice a week for an hour I find myself smiling uncontrollably, giddy and elated at practicing precision while experiencing freedom.  Twice a week I’m reminded of what it really is to be alive.

Someone recently asked a friend of mine if I’m Indian.  I suppose that’s a valid question, given my propensity for listening exclusively to Bollywood music, wearing Salwar Kameez at the most random times, and interjecting India into every conversational opportunity.  My first instinct was to take offense.  I’m not Indian.  I’m just about as blond and blue-eyed as they come.  I like Christmas and drinking liter steins of German beer while standing on a Bierhalle bench in my Dirndl, singing at the top of my lungs.

But after the shock of being called Indian had worn off, I began to see it as a compliment.  The Indian people are collectively full of vibrancy and life.  They are friendly, welcoming, in search of a good time.  Many facets of their culture are so vibrant that they outstrip their counterparts in most Western cultures.

The food is the embodiment of flavor and spice.  It tinges the air, the sweat, the conversation, with a compelling scent.

The music dances to beats both ancient and new; it compels those who listen to join in with its exuberance.  The folk dances are a translation of joy, of worship, of celebration, of the universe.

Everything is suffused with color.  Buildings cluster in many-hued pinks, blues, ivories.  Whole cities colored against the midday sun sprawl uninterrupted into the desert.  Clothing flashes by as a kaleidoscope of red, green, yellow, orange.  Prayers and vermillion are applied as frequently as the passing from night to day, the deep stain of mehndi never fading for long.

Why would I not wish to find myself so captivated, so engrossed by this plethora, this dream, that I should be charged as being part of it?  It is true that ever since my time there, none of these things has ever left me.  I have always been drawn to color, to flavor, to the more adventurous beat.  Yet it has taken six months as a young professional, beholden only to myself, to allow me to find out this part of who I am.  It is how I breathe, in every moment that passes.

I know I will never be satisfied with normalcy.  Blandness will never whet my palate. Poise and composure will never be a substitute to honest feeling, to wild abandonment, to a daily celebration of all the beings I know, a daily prayer of gratitude.

Nothing will ever be a substitute for the intricate, incandescent dance we call life.

Watercolor Mandala made in celebration of Diwali.
Watercolor Mandala made in celebration of Diwali.
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Levels of Understanding; Istanbul Impressions

What is Istanbul? Can it be defined as the place of the past, the center of power, the trove of treasures, one of the holy places of the world? Can it be defined as the focus of study, the tourist destination, the mecca of cultures, the political mediator? Is it the city to come, the place to watch, the destination for lost souls, the ultimate urban architectural construct?

Past, present, and future, Istanbul is characterized by some vitality that lends itself to the fulfillment of each of these destinies. No one can define it for certain. If they were able to, Istanbul’s power could easily be replicated the world over. It could stem from one of many things, or owe its identity in part to each of them.

It is perhaps the weighty length of human history in one place that is most compelling here. Perhaps the geography of the particular waterways, or its placement just at the line between East and West are more involved in its identity. I prefer to think, however, that the main defining factor of Istanbul is its people. People are the creators of culture, which in turn drives each aspect of architecture and space creation, and so it must be the people of a place who make it what it is.

Istanbul’s people are quite diverse. It is my theory that each individual human operates on his highest level of understanding or consciousness, sometimes limited by the finite quality of collective human knowledge, sometimes by his unwillingness or inability to transcend his own situation. The people in Istanbul are diverse because they operate on so many levels of reality. Here I generalize. The Simit seller’s daily thoughts are concerned with sufficient income, with family to feed, with survival. The hotel concierge smokes cigarette after cigarette, talks to people, puts his life on hold for the “one day” dreams. The disillusioned businessman is concerned with moving up the ranks, perhaps family or children, acquaintances, appearances, enjoyment. The Imam strives constantly to be closer to God.

Although these phases of humanity are perhaps echoed in each city and walk of life, in Istanbul they seem such a defining factor because they are all intrinsically united. It is the Mescit, the Cami, the Mosque, which (at least historically) mediates the levels of operation of diverse peoples. The Cami is the threshold of equality, of transcendence, of material illumination of the soul. And while people may experience Istanbul Mosques differently, I find one the most appealing. Mihrimah Sultan Mosque, a work of Mimar Sinan, seemed the most spiritual. It will take an exploration into myself to discover why I feel so strongly about it. All of Sinan’s mosques held a pull for me, of course, from Rustem Paşa, the tile mosque, with its wonderful courtyard, so much a part of the urban fabric, and Sokullu, rough and exquisite at the same time, to Süleymaniye, large, overwhelming, enveloping.

Perhaps I experienced the deepest sense of the divine in Mihrimah because it was the last mosque we visited, and my self-understanding, knowledge of the world, devotion to this higher energy which was so intrinsic to Istanbul had all increased exponentially up to that point. I stepped inside, and I had to bend my head in obesiance to the emotion of place. It represented all the çay, drunk in so many small glasses, each bead of sweat glistening on my skin in the humid air, every faint breath of wind off the Bosphorus against my face. There was the touch of a few days before, smiles I had responded to in kind, the emotion in many pairs of eyes, assessing, understanding. It held each of my thoughts, hopes and desires. It humbled me to the daily toil of the Simit seller, and lifted me to the devotion of the Imam. My pale love for Istanbul, my sad understanding of its people and customs, my deep desire to learn, together in this place of worship enveloped me tightly, and for a moment, my soul came undone. 

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10 Things I Learned in India : 9-10

May 2011 (Originally published in The Cooperstown Crier)

I’m back from India!  And the most important of the ten things I learned there was to live on the edge.  As clichéd as it sounds, live life to the fullest.  Take the crazy path.  It definitely will be worth it in the end.  I chose to go to India, instead of France or Germany or Denmark.  I set off for the other side of the world knowing that what was in store for me would not be easy.  I thought I was ready for it.

    So when I stepped off the plane into the heat and the smells and the dirt and I realized I was, in fact, not ready for it, it was too late.  The reckless, flirting-with-death driving, the destitution everywhere, the ancient and modern thrown in together, all were part of a new world that I had to find the courage to live in.  It was not easy at first.  I was slow to accept, slow to change, slow to adapt.  Like any other rational person raised in one of the richest nations in the world, it was hard for me, both physically and psychologically, to leave the smooth, clean streets, the sidewalks,  the fast internet, the privacy, and simply drop into the world of piles of dust, trash, and cow patties, ineffective communication, and 1.5 billion people.  

    The people.  All those strangers whose principal aim in life it seemed was to try to get me to gain weight are now my family.  The people that I met and talked to and hated and loved and knew as well as I knew my family back home made India come alive.  They are what I remember, when I think of that part of the world.  There were so many people.  I saw so many that I pitied, but could do nothing for, because of their untouchable status.  I met a lot of people whom I couldn’t respect because of their actions, or lack of action, but had to pretend to respect anyway.  And I came to know a very few people who truly touched my heart.  They were my most caring host parents, and my best friends, and they were the reason I survived in such a hostile environment.  They gave me the perspective necessary to live in a world so much at odds with itself, and stay sane.  

    I will never regret taking my mom’s advice, and putting India as my first choice on my Rotary application.  I will never regret going there and experiencing the insufferable Indian Summer, or the Monsoons, or the culture shock, or the weight gain.  If I have any regrets at all, they will be only that I didn’t do more to immerse myself there, that I didn’t learn as much as I could have, or get a little more out into the exotic vastness of it all.  

    I chose India, I went, and I lived, as I have never lived before.  My experiences gave me wisdom, and a sense of what exquisite joy it is to live in this world.  I found some hard, raw truths in India, but I realized that without the awareness, and occasionally pain, that comes with the truth, life rarely has meaning.  I came home with a sense of what it is to be part of the complex community which is the human race.  There is a lot more to be learned in the world, and more than ever, I am ready to step outside my doorstep, and embrace it with open arms.

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10 Things I Learned in India : 8

March 2011 (Originally published in The Cooperstown Crier)

    Almost eight months into my Rotary Exchange to India, I have been gifted with a plethora of life-changing experiences which have taught me a great deal about the world, it’s people, and most importantly, myself.  So far I have learned to make decisions carefully, know when to refuse and when to accept, how to live in a different culture, that I should never take anything for granted, that everything in my life happens for a reason, and that I must always allow people to make their mark on me, for better or for worse.

    Which brings me to the eighth thing I learned in India; face your problems head on and with a clear mind.  Things may seem bad, but if you just calm yourself down long enough to understand your situation, you will soon find a solution for every problem, or a way to live with it.  Two weeks ago my Rotary Counselor sent a text to tell me that I had to switch families, and to do so as soon as possible. The family designated for my move was the one I had spent 6.5 months with previously.  I was less than excited to leave my current host family, in which I had been very happy, but I was almost devastated when faced with the prospect of returning to that house where I had spent so many idle hours in front of the TV or computer.  I knew that if I returned there I would fall back into the void where the outside world seems to cease to exist for long stretches of time, and all there is to do is sleep, or think, or sweat through the heat.  I cringed at the thought of being back there for another 2 long months.  The next day, I told my counselor that, and as a result, my destination was switched to the house where Mary, another American girl lived.  Even in my rather senseless, self-pitying state, I understood that if I reverted to living in close quarters with her again, the rest of my time would be comprised of a whole lot of complaining and bad moods, the result of two exchange students living together.  However, in due time, my counselor found a new family that was ready to host me.  I had become friends with their son and I knew they were a good family, and I was very excited to go there.  I found that with new, happy prospects ahead, I could think clearly and more easily reconcile myself to the cons of the new arrangement.

    And so I moved.  The house is rather old, awkwardly arranged, and complete with the almost typical Gujarati family.  The man goes to work, the woman stays home, doing nothing more than cooking, sleeping, and watching TV all day.  The food is oily and unhealthy.  But the biggest worry for me, as a teenager of the 21st century, was the lack of internet.  In this day and age, being without internet is difficult, especially if constant internet-based communication is a must.  The first night I didn’t know what to do.  In the middle of trying to choose a college, finding a summer job, and planning my mom’s trip to India, I was stranded without that so necessary technology I had come to take for granted.  But the next day, I found some ways around it, including the occasional use of the USB modem my new family has at their office, and visits to my friends’ houses who have internet.  

    I took my situation and, by facing my problem, found a way to live with it.  And I know I will get by.  I have proven that I have the ability to adapt, a skill infinitely useful in a place like India.

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10 Things I Learned in India : 6-7

February 2011 (Originally published in The Cooperstown Crier)

    I have previously shared five of my most important life lessons learned in India.  However, finding myself with just two months left in this amazing country, I will write about two life lessons this month.  So far I have learned to make decisions carefully, know when to refuse and when to accept, how to live in a different culture, and that I should never take anything for granted.

    The sixth thing I learned in India is that everything in your life happens for a reason.  This is a theory that many people choose to refute, but I have come to believe it.  There have been a lot of weird, difficult, and sometimes awkward experiences here.  When one occurs, I try to remember to find the good in it.  I have realized that many things will happen to me in my life that I won’t necessarily see as good things.  But I’ve also realized that if I choose to come away from these experiences having found the way to do the right thing and stay positive, I have done what’s best for me.  Things do happen for a reason, and I think that reason is to help me make better choices and learn more, so that when I’m faced with something more important than trivial teenage drama, I’ll know how to handle it.  I know that on the surface, this lesson doesn’t really relate to Indian lifestyle or language.  However, for me, it’s very relevant.  For someone from another culture, India is a place where I am constantly tested, put through a great deal of stress and difficulty.  Culture shock presents me with new challenges every day, even seven months into my exchange.  But the true value of Rotary for me is that I see these challenges as chances to become someone who is more genuine, more motivated, and more confident.  These are the reasons that the “thing” called Rotary Exchange happened to me. 

    The seventh lesson I learned is that you should never underestimate the mark anyone can make on you.  Don’t disregard someone just because you have no initial interest in them or they have done something to offend you.  Every person who enters your life is, like I mentioned above, there for a reason, and you should give each of them a chance to teach you something, or change you, whether they do so by being your best friend, your worst enemy, or anything in between.  I know that each person I have had a relationship with here, whether it be my host parents, Indian friends, or Rotary friends, has made an impact on me.  They have all taught me something and helped me grow.  There have been bad experiences, when someone is unnecessarily immature and causes unwelcome drama, and amazing ones, when someone I don’t really consider my friend amazes me with what they say or do for me.  Hence, the most important part of my Rotary Exchange has been the people I’ve met.  I think that the people around us are the reason we do what we do, feel what we feel.  They are the main reason we can grow and change.  So embrace every relationship you have as at least, if nothing more, an important experience in your life.  Then you miss out on none of the wisdom and maturity you have the potential to attain.

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10 Things I Learned in India : 5

January 2011 (Originally published in The Cooperstown Crier)

    After sixth months on Rotary Exchange in India I have learned many life lessons, some of which I feel important enough to share with you every month.  The first three things I learned in India were to look both ways before crossing the street, how to say no, and conversely, how to say yes. The fourth thing was that the aspects of another culture might suit you better than your own.

    However, among the most important of the lessons I have learned is to never take anything for granted.  This lesson is probably learned by most people who are placed in a culture other than their own, but I feel that it is exaggerated because I am an American in India.  Someone from the birthplace of instant gratification in a land where nothing is prepackaged.  There are no cell phone plans and no bottles of milk in the store.  There are no cake mixes and you can’t use eggs for baking.  There is no toilet paper, and all the clothes are washed by hand.  This makes everything much more of a hassle, less sanitary, and much more work for the hired help.  So instead of a washer and dryer, dishwasher and vacuum cleaner, you have some people.  It is not as nice as it sounds.  Doing no work because you are paying someone else to do it every day does get boring after awhile.

    But finding myself in this vastly different society has taught me that living without the things we call the basic necessities is very possible and in some ways enjoyable.

I know that I will never take any aspect of the easy American way of life for granted.  I know now how the other half of the world lives, and know that in their minds it is the best way of life. I appreciate more than ever the amazing history America has had and I understand that we have extremely stable foundations already laid to continue our leaps and bounds of advancement.  So if anything, being in India has made me realize just how proud I am of America.  It has opened my eyes to my own close-mindedness and given me the ability to focus on the important things in my life, even when the surroundings are less than comfortable.  I feel as if I am a different person, because now I have fully realized that it doesn’t matter who you are or how much money you have, it just matters what you do with your time.  And Rotary has shown me that a little productivity can really change the world, one life at a time.