Category: Words

December 2010 (Originally published in The Cooperstown Crier)

    I am about to begin my sixth month on Rotary Exchange in India and consequently am writing my fourth column.  Each one consists of a life lesson I have learned in India.  The first three things I learned in India were to look both ways before crossing the street, how to say no, and conversely, how to say yes.  

    The newest thing I have learned in India is that in some ways another culture might suit you better than your own.  I am on a cultural exchange, so learning a culture and becoming integrated into it is hardly a surprising result.  However, finding that I am already good at being Indian in many ways is a shocker.  Take Indian dress, for example.  I love wearing the roomy, flowy Punjabi pants and long Kurtis.  I feel comforted and safe when I throw a Dupatta over my shoulders.  My friends and host family tell me I look Indian and should be dyeing my hair black any day now.  Maybe the reason I love these clothes is that they are comfortable and easy, and whether or not they are in vogue in the fashion world, they make me feel beautiful and natural.  They are certainly a far cry from the tight jeans and tank tops the Western world finds attractive.  

    Another example of this is Indian music.  I performed a very old Hindi song for an anniversary party a few weeks ago and during my practicing found that I loved the little melodies and rhythms of the music, how the words flow and change unexpectedly, and although I love Western music with a passion, could fully appreciate the beauty this music had to offer.  

    I have found that the biggest differences in culture can lead to the most understanding and connection in surprising ways.  I love my culture.  I love the bad and the good parts about it.  But I also love so many parts of my new culture that I often wonder which I would do better in for the rest of my life.  It is a curious thought, and never ceases to entertain.  

November 2010 (Originally published in The Cooperstown Crier)

    I am entering my fifth month out of ten on Rotary Exchange in India, and I am having the most wonderful experience.  I have learned many things, but there are a few life lessons which rise above the the rest.  This month is dedicated to the third.  The first thing I learned in India is to look both ways before crossing the street.  The second thing is how to say no.

    The third thing I learned in India is how to say yes.  I am fully aware that last month I said that it was quite advisable to say no in many situations, but one simply cannot go through life refusing everything offered to them.  In fact, it is a very vital skill to know when to say yes.

    To begin with, Indians love you when you accept everything they offer.  This includes food, invitations to stay in their home, gifts, and their general hospitality.  It is the responsibility of the exchange student to make all possible efforts to be accepted into the culture and society in which they find themselves, and the best way to accomplish this is to please the adults.  Therefore, when I visit someone’s home, even if I have eaten, I accept the food they offer.  When I am invited to visit for a few days, I smile and nod and they are reassured that they are good hosts.  I rarely do stay with anyone, but when I do I find that I am forced to take the best of everything.  They are offended when I try to refuse.  

    This lesson also has a very practical, albeit different, application in the general world, Rotary Exchange included.  It is necessary, for one’s own sake, to accept all opportunities when they are presented.  I know that had I said no to just a few more opportunities during my time in India so far, I would have missed out on the wealth of knowledge and excitement and information which had put itself in my path.  By saying yes and living life to the fullest, I have been experiencing happiness and a greater sense of self-realization every day.  I say yes and I am taken for the most fantastic ride through the ancient and the modern and the conflict and the peace.  When I say yes, I rise above petty complaints and give my mind and body the chance to realize their full potential.  

    I am good at saying yes now.  Yes means acceptance and change.  It means opportunity and a bright future.  It means contentment.  I can truly say that yes is the most valuable word in my vocabulary.

October 2010 (Originally published in The Cooperstown Crier)

    If you read last month’s installment of this exciting adventure you will know that I am in India on Rotary Exchange.

This is a 10-month exchange, lasting from July until April or May. I live with an Indian family, attend school and immerse myself fully in a strange culture. This column is about the many experiences I am having and things I am learning here.

The first thing I learned in India is to look both ways before crossing the street.

The second thing I learned in India is how to say no. You may think you have mastered the art of polite refusal in delicate social situations, but until you have experienced Indian hospitality you are an amateur.

When you visit a house, you are first served water, already poured into glasses and presented on a tray. Soft drinks soon follow, and if you stay long enough, food. You see, one of the main goals in life for the typical Indian person is to keep his or her guests as comfortable as possible at all times. This includes forcing them to consume everything set before them.

The guest who eats the most is the most appreciated. You may see how this could be problematic for a naive, innocent exchange student hoping to avoid significant weight gain during the year. I must constantly toe the line between polite refusal and rude rejection. Sometimes it’s difficult to tell which is which.

The differences in culture are very great. The seemingly harmless refusal of a pinch of some white sugary substance could turn out quite badly when you find that it is holy and must be accepted. They also talk about weight all the time, which is acceptable in conversation. They encourage me to eat, saying that I must gain weight or my parents will think they weren’t good hosts.

This is a perfect example of how cultures differ, because for me it is exactly the opposite.

I’ll remember them more favorably should I finish the year weighing less.

 However, there are other situations where the choice between yes and no is more serious. Here, the fact that we are fair skinned makes us very beautiful, and this is made very obvious by the behavior of men and women alike.

So when Mary and Justine (American and French, respectively) and I walk down the street we are the subject of a great deal of staring and the occasional Hi.  The staring is easy to deal with.

The actual spoken greetings are another story.

We have grown up in a culture where it is acceptable to exchange basic greetings between strangers passing on the street. So we found it natural here to respond in kind when addressed in this routine way. It took us a long time and a good deal of advice to understand that because of our obvious western origins, we are perceived differently. If we respond it means quite a bit more than we intend. It’s better just to avoid the miscommunication.

And then there are the Indian beggars. These beggars do not sit patiently on the street with their cup and sign, but instead harass you from the minute you emerge from a building until your car pulls away. It is pitiful.

They are dirty, emaciated, ugly, sometimes carrying small, half-clothed children to add to the effect. These women and children ask so persistently. You are absolutely revolted by their proximity to you, but at the same time, you want desperately to give them the few dollars it would take to get them a good meal or fresh water. But so many times you must say no.  I’m sorry.  I don’t have change.  Ignore them.

This is when my thoughts conflict the most. I know I can never fix the problem by giving little donations, but I also feel so sad about their condition that I want to do something.

Yes or no. This is a problem that will always exist for so many situations in life. The key is to learn when each one is appropriate. I am doing that. I must do it to survive here. Think. Yes or no. Just think.

September 2010 (Originally published in The Cooperstown Crier)

    India. A world apart.  A place where the streets are always dirty, the air is usually humid and polluted, and there are hundreds of people everywhere you are.  A place where the temples are stunning, the food is to die for, and the clothing is some of the most beautiful in the world.  A place where I have chosen to spend ten months on a cultural exchange.  

    I am halfway across the world with IYE (International Youth Exchange), a program of Rotary International.  It is the opportunity of a lifetime.  I get to spend almost a year living with three normal Indian families while acting as an ambassador for my country, learn a new culture and languages (Gujarati and Hindi), and have a fabulous time.  

    So on July 16, I boarded the plane that would take me to my new home.  I have been living in Bharuch, Gujarat for two months, and already my life has changed.  I have learned new things, gained new perspectives, met more family members than I will ever remember, and begun to find in myself the motivation to work towards my own goals.  It does not come without sacrifice.  I have been very sick.  I throw up one day, my entire body aches another.  Then they give me medicine and I force a smile and life goes on.  But the lessons I have learned and will learn are important to share.  So month by month, I will relate the stories and morals of my fabulous experience in India.  Enjoy!

    The first thing I learned in India is to look both ways before I cross the street.  You never know how many motorcycles, scooters, rickshaws, cars and cows are just waiting to run you over.  It’s not like they want to kill you, but the streets in India are so crowded and generally disorganized that it is almost impossible to predict even the next few seconds.  One minute you are riding comfortably in the car, and the next you find yourself practically slammed against the seat in front (no seatbelts) because someone on a motorcycle has decided to switch lanes without so much as a backward glance.  It is somewhat exhilarating and very dangerous.  

    I have found that this rule applies to life as well.  Life is generally exhilarating and at many times dangerous, but this does not mean that you shouldn’t live it.  It only means that you have to assess all the information before you make a decision.  India is teaching me to look both ways, and weigh both options so that I can make the right decision.  Whether it is between foods or evening pastimes, everything is a choice, especially for an exchange student.  And when it comes to crossing the street, I am learning to choose the path which will give me opportunity, take me deeper into the culture, into the religion, and into the people.  It is always the right choice to visit the temple, to go to school, to try a few Gujarati words, to include your family, to work hard.  It is always the right choice to just try.  So look both ways.  The path will be clear.

    I am in a position where I must learn everything about India and teach as much as I can about America to my hosts in less than a year.  So I am always asking questions and listening and talking and talking and talking.  They love to hear me talk.  They don’t understand my habits and customs because in some cases they are very different, but they make an effort to learn.  Everyone is happiest when: 1) I greet them with the words “Jay Shri Krishna,” 2) I try out my new vocabulary from Hindi class during dinner, 3) I am in a good mood, 4) I try all the food on the table, 5) I show promise in the kitchen, and 6) I wear a traditional Indian garment in front of the extended family.  So a whole lot of happiness rests on my shoulders, and I try to deliver.  

    Nevertheless, it is very difficult.  There are many differences in daily life.  The climate is very different.  It is generally above 33 degrees Celsius outside and 30 inside.  During monsoon season there is unbearable humidity and lots of mud.  Air conditioners are always turned on at night, and there are ceiling fans in every room.  And then there is the treatment towards women and youth.  Married women, especially in a conservative state such as Gujarat, are generally not allowed to wear western clothing or show their legs.  They have limited freedom, and in many households are not allowed to hold jobs.  Teenagers are not allowed to date, and if a girl is seen alone with a boy by someone she knows, her parents are notified.  The main accepted pastime for a school student is to constantly study, and many teenagers are not allowed any freedom.  This is one of the most difficult changes because eighteen year-olds are no longer minors in the United States, yet in India are under constant supervision.

    But if these differences are not what I came to learn, then I don’t know what are.  I am having difficulty and working through it.  I am learning to please people I don’t know in a language I’m just learning.  I am starting to oil my hair so it doesn’t dry out in the hot Indian sun and make friends with everyone I meet.  I am wearing kurtis and chaniya cholis and sarees and eating more roti than I ever knew existed and falling in love with a country and a people.  This is what comes from being not a tourist, but a resident.  Acceptance.  Change.  Joy.  The pieces of my new home.