Tag: Thoughts

Finally, after a time that was an age long and yet passed in the blink of an eye – again – I’m home.

The concept of “home” is an interesting one. For me, it’s a conscious choice, more than a place or building. I have decided that Brooklyn is where I want to be, and therefore returning to it brings a sense of relief – my mind can rest, my body releases its state of semi-alarm.

Of course, my bed, my kitchen, and my things all are very convincing arguments for “home” as a place.

My first morning back in the US was reminiscent of my first morning in Japan – brilliant sun, the day taking off, a desire to go out and do things – yet accompanied by a feeling of displacement, as if I don’t know where I am or how to be here. This is what being in a new place is.

Even “home” feels new. Although I slip quickly back into the muscle-memory of moving around my kitchen, sitting in my desk chair, moving through my space in the dark, there’s a film between me and these things. It creates a sense of unreality, of floating, not quite being grounded; and in a way it’s very exciting.

I know this feeling will dissipate soon, and likely sooner than I’m ready, but for now, I get to enjoy the thrill of a “new” place.

This is the name I give to the side of me that emerges when there is “stuff to see.”

I planned to visit just one temple, and then go to dinner.

I planned to run this particular route – it’s mapped out on my watch – all I need to do is follow the purple line.

I planned to take a much needed break, and just sit, and be.

But then Explore Mode kicks in and I find myself wandering around in circles through winding city streets or forest paths, cameras out in both hands, finding the little visual gems which are my real motivation for running, for traveling.

A building or a boat or a view triggers the switch for Explore Mode and in the back of my brain a little command center starts making suggestions like “you could take the bus back, but why would you when it’s only a 5 mile walk”, and when the rest of me starts accumulating the fatigue of a day’s sightseeing, “but that mountain is right there, you know you want to!”

As addictions go, this need to walk everywhere, push myself physically to simply keep going, to endure and overcome my more sensible limitations, is not the worst one to have. And to date, it hasn’t gotten me into any real trouble.

It’s why I’m here, in another hemisphere, finding the little moments of life that make me happy. And as long as I have an internet connection, a few yen in my wallet, and feet that keep carrying me, no matter how sore, I think I’ll be fine.